Albert Abonado

A dog bypassed death by becoming
its own cyst, and now passes itself on
from one dog to the next. It’s true!
Although I can't find the article where
I read this, so reader, if you come
across this information, please send
an email to
with a link to the story. I’m only looking
for affirmation that yes, I have
the potential to live indefinitely
via micro-abrasions, and yes, I can be
translated into a bacteria who will outlive
my children. On the Discovery channel
was a program about people who had absorbed
their twins at birth. Who knows
how often the navel of a sibling
was the reason I was itchy through puberty
or the source of cramps every time
I went in for a layup? This just goes to show
how much I take for granted the abnormalities
on my body that could be an aunt who drowned
in a flood or uncle who believed a meal of rice
and ice cream covered all the bases
for a nutritional dinner. I mean
I could at any point spontaneously
burst into my own family. I’m on the edge
of becoming my own brother and his precise
haircut. I found a cyst on the shaft
of my penis and thought this
was just my grandfather arriving
unannounced, because he wanted to see
if his math skills still ran in our family.
I didn't ask the urologist if what he carefully
thumbed was the distant cousin whose name
I’ve only heard once in conversation
since I learned the thing was benign,
could be frozen and extracted, a procedure
that never became necessary, since the cyst
disappeared before I could make that move.
Dear My Inexplicable Relative,
Please send a note to
and let me know how things worked out.
I never had a chance to say goodbye.