Deviated Reports from the Bainbridge Island Police Blotter

Marcia Aldrich



A 45-year-old woman called police to report a threatening phone call. She'd just come in from working in her vegetable garden, carrying a basket of tomatoes, when a man phoned, claiming to be with a company called Green Air. He said he was going to be on time for their appointment. "What appointment?" she asked. "I made no such appointment." She asked to be taken off the man's call list. He reminded her that he knew her address and recited it to her slowly, savoring each number. "This appointment is important to me," he said, "and I'm looking forward to tasting the tomatoes you just picked." Scared, the woman called the police. When the officers arrived, they said they had received several similar complaints. There was nothing they could do. They suggested she block the number, stay inside, and lock her door. "Forever?" she asked.


A 55-year-old man was charged with fourth-degree assault in Kitsap County District Court when he allegedly couldn't keep his hands off the rear end of a man who was walking along Winslow Way. Authorities alleged the man had also grabbed the buttocks of an employee at a local hardware store a week earlier, having come in to buy lumber. He allegedly told the checker, "You are gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous!" Later the same day, the man returned to the hardware store and handed the checker a book by Kurt Vonnegut. As he handed it over, the man grabbed the employee by the buttocks and squeezed. The latter said he didn't even like Kurt Vonnegut.

In the second incident, the victim had been walking past a restaurant downtown when the man grabbed his rear. The victim kept walking and reported the assault to the police. The authorities said the man had engaged in this sort of behavior in the past. He had grabbed a police officer's buttocks while on bicycle patrol. This knowledge of past offenses did not console the victim.

Police contacted the man at his home, where he admitted grabbing other men. He hoped that by touching them, he would light some sort of relationship. The man admitted that the touches had not worked but said he would continue his quest.


A 73-year-old woman called the police after discovering that somebody had chopped down a 25-foot-tall, 30-year-old madrone tree in her yard. She and her husband had planted the tree, and now her husband was dead. The woman said she believed her neighbor had cut it down to improve their view of the Olympics. Her neighbor had left a voicemail asking if he could have the tree trimmed at his expense.

When contacted, the neighbor insisted the tree was, in fact, on community property. An officer asked why he had first asked permission to trim the tree if it was indeed on community property. The neighbor did not respond directly to this query but said when he had not heard back otherwise, he assumed it was OK to remove the tree. The officer pointed out that not getting back to you is not the same as giving permission. And further, cutting a tree down is not the same as trimming. The neighbor conceded both points.


A 73-year-old woman made an unexpected deposit at her bank last week. The woman was pulling into the parking lot of the Bank of America when the vehicle jumped the curb and drove through the front doors and into a small lobby where two ATMS are located. The car became stuck in the double doors that lead into the bank itself. The woman was unsure how such a thing could happen. It was the second such incident of a driver crashing into a Bainbridge business in four days. The earlier crash occurred when an elderly woman drove into the Meli Melo Island Vintage Boutique. She, too, didn't realize she had arrived at her destination.


Three cars were pushed into a series of rear-endings by a hit-and-run driver at the intersection of Highway 305 and Day Road. A line of vehicles was stopped at a red light when a gold Acura struck a woman in a 2004 Infiniti from behind, which in turn struck a Mercedes driven by a White Point woman, pushing it into the rear of a BMW driven by a woman on her way to the Suquamish casino. The three drivers in the affected vehicles agreed on the man in the Acura: He was tall, dark, handsome, and tuxedoed.


Police were called about an interrupted burglary at a home on Eagle Harbor Drive. The homeowner said he left the back door open for his housekeeper. When she arrived, she found a strange man in the basement. He immediately ran out the patio doors and fled west, keeping near the water line. The man had moved a blanket from the homeowner's daughter's room upstairs to the basement. The blanket was yellow with white embroidered daisies. In addition, a loaf of cinnamon bread was missing from a kitchen drawer. The homeowner said he was certain it had been there earlier in the day because he had checked to see how much was left.


A dark green SUV traveling southbound on Fletcher Bay Road pulled into a driveway where an unattended flower stand was situated. The vehicle ran over a Radio Flyer wagon that held bouquets in vases, breaking off its front wheels. A neighbor who observed the collision said that the wheels rolled a little to the side of the wagon and looked sad. The driver, who wore a gray hoodie, exited the car, stole a bouquet, and fled in the car. The neighbor reported that the bouquet was a gorgeous mix of yellow and orange dahlias with exquisite frills, but she couldn't say if the thief was a man or a woman.


A small sailboat did not yield the right of way to a ferry. The boat veered in front of the large vessel, ignoring its warning blast. The sailboat momentarily disappeared from view as it went under the bow of the ferry. As it came back into view, the occupants "dropped their pants and mooned the ferry." When interviewed later, they said they were feeling it, in the zone. The matter was dropped.


Police were called to Virginia Mason Medical Center where a 20-year-old woman had arrived after having overdosed. The woman said she had taken a lot of Benadryl and an unknown number of anti-anxiety pills. The friend who brought the woman to Virginia Mason said she did not get along with her parents and felt like "an inconvenience."


Police were called to a domestic dispute. The caller, a woman, said she and her husband had had a fight about money over dinner and a "few beers." At the home the police encountered the couple standing in the living room among broken chairs and lamps, with Jell-O on the walls and puddles of water on the floor. The husband had become so angry, the woman said, that he had destroyed their furniture. During the fight, the husband said, his wife had hurled a bowl of lemon Jell-O, not realizing just how far it would splatter. It had sprayed his glasses and shirt, dripping down his face, but the bulk flew past him onto the wallpaper they had just installed at great expense. The release in spraying the Jell-O was much more than she had imagined, the wife reported, and she had broken into hysterical laughter. The husband poured a pitcher of water over his wife's head to make her stop. That seemed to do the trick, he said.


Two Bainbridge men were involved in an assault at the downtown Winslow ferry terminal. A 67-year-old man called police to report that he'd been cut in line by a silver pickup. He had flashed his lights and honked his horn and, once through the toll booth and in line for the ferry, got out of his car and approached the other driver on foot. The second man, 53, got out of his Ram truck, began shouting obscenities, and then pushed the first man, causing him to stumble against a blue Subaru. He was not injured, he told police, and said that if the driver of the pickup admitted wrongdoing, a verbal warning would be sufficient recourse. If he denied having shoved him, however, the first man intended to pursue assault charges. The truck driver reluctantly admitted he had cut in line but denied pushing the other driver or shouting obscenities. He felt he was defending himself and that he was the wounded party. The caller said the truck driver was lying and that he intended to pursue charges. Police informed him that a report would be forwarded to the district prosecutor.

Leonidas and Fried Rice

Police responded to a dog bite in the Safeway parking lot. The victim, a 31-year-old man, was being treated by EMS when they arrived. A large, fawn-colored dog was in a nearby black BMW, with the passenger side front window part way down, about 6 or 8 inches. During the police interview, the dog was very agitated, barking, growling, and anxiously treading about the car. The man bitten, a Washington State Ferries worker, said he'd left the store after purchasing a snack prior to his shift. While he was walking between cars, the dog stuck its head out the window of the BMW and bit the man's forearm, an event witnessed by several people nearby. The damage was somewhat mitigated by his jacket, but still the man received several bites that broke the skin. On the passenger side of the BMW under the windshield wiper police observed spilled rice—consistent with the Chinese food the man had been carrying when bitten. A plastic fork, still in the wrapper, was also found on the window. It was fried rice with peas, the police noted. The fork was retrieved and returned to the bite victim so that he could eat his remaining food. He was, however, late for work. Eventually the owner of the BMW returned. He had left the dog in the car, he said, while he went to get a haircut. He really needed a trim, he said, patting his hair and smiling. He had left the window down because he did not want the dog to get overheated. However, perhaps that wasn't a very good idea since, he admitted the dog, Leonidas, could be aggressive, despite training attempts. He acknowledged that the need for a haircut may have clouded his judgment.


Police responded to a home on Gilmore Way after two different neighbors called to complain that a resident was causing a disturbance. Upon arriving, officers heard a woman shouting obscenities. Her voice, it was noted, was loud, like a gunshot at close range. She appeared to be filled with rage, at what or whom it was impossible to ascertain. There didn't seem to be a triggering event police could identify. "Fuck you, asshole," she said without pause, building into a rage. Records indicate that officers have responded to this same address "many times," and the woman had been warned about such behavior before. They wished she would learn to say things softer. Over the screaming, the police cited her and said that if she did it again in the next 24 hours the citation would become a criminal infraction, to which she replied fulsomely, "Morons."


A beach walker, a middle-aged woman with a tiny dog, came across the body near Hawley Cove Park, on the shoreline near the ferry terminal. She wasn't sure what it was, but her tiny dog kept barking and so she ventured nearer. She said nothing she had ever seen resembled it; it couldn't really be called human. It was more like the near-disappearance of the human, like a ghost mark. The Police Chief said he couldn't make a preliminary determination of the age or the sex because the body had been in the water too long. Later, however, the Kitsap County coroner determined the body was a man who had drowned in saltwater. He estimated the man to be in his sixties and his ethnicity white. It appeared the body had been in the water more than a week. No one has been reported missing that fit that description and no one has called the police about a missing 60-year-old man. Not a single piece of information has been discovered, making the body the county morgue's only unidentified body.


A bicyclist and the driver of a pickup truck were involved in a heated disagreement. The cyclist called police to report the driver for reckless and feckless behavior and said he had felt endangered. The cyclist claimed he had been passed by the truck while traveling west on the hill near Wilkes Elementary School. He stayed on the road, he said, because there is no shoulder where he could safely navigate his bike. He said he did not at first realize the truck was pulling a trailer—which he claimed was "illegal" on that street, according to local ordinances—and he was taken aback. He also said the truck was traveling left of the centerline and passing in a no-passing zone. He caught up to the truck at a red light and recorded the license number. At the point the driver, observing the bicyclist's actions, said he "was going to (expletive) kill me." Police reported that the cyclist was distraught, clearly on the verge of tears, his voice cracking. He was upset that the driver had put him in peril.

Police located the truck, which was indeed towing a large trailer, parked on a nearby street. The truck driver claimed the cyclist was in the middle of the hill when he decided to pass, moving very slowly and refusing to pull over to the right. With no other witnesses, neither man was cited.


The ferry Wenatchee crashed into the Bainbridge ferry dock Thursday afternoon. Nobody was injured when the 12:20 p.m. sailing from Seattle, arriving at Bainbridge, experienced a "propulsion problem" and "bumped into" the dock. The dock survived the collision with no damage, but the same cannot be said of the vessel, which will be out of service for at least a week.

Quaint Quarrel

Police were called to a domestic dispute between two elderly brothers at their mother's apartment. The younger of the brothers, 66, had come to visit his mother and confront his elder sibling, 67, about staying at the mother's residence. He believed his brother was mistreating his mother.

The older man said his brother had threatened him with facial expressions and that he was afraid to leave his mother alone. He also expressed a good deal of concern regarding his neighbors, what they were saying about him and a supposed plot against him involving everyone who lived nearby as well as the federal and state governments. The younger brother agreed to leave for the time being and both brothers agreed no actual threats had been made beyond facial expressions.


Police responded to a report of a domestic dispute between a man, 53, and woman, 50. The woman said that they had just finalized their divorce and were in the process of dividing their shared belongings. The woman said she found "all of the crystal vases and gift vases" in the laundry room. She told her ex-husband that she didn't think it was fair that he should get them all, so she began gathering up some of the vases she wanted to keep. She was particularly fond of the cut glass. Her ex got mad, grabbed a ruby red vase from out of her hands, and told her she could not have it. She grabbed it back and he "held on tightly, trying to pull it away." The vase slipped out of her hands, fell to the ground, and broke. The woman called the police. No arrests were made.


A 25-year-old man was cited after striking the rear of the vehicle ahead of him near the intersection of Highway 305 and Day Road. The man said he had been unable to stop in time because he sneezed.

Tiny Dogs

Police responded to a physical altercation between two neighbors after one man claimed to have been bitten by the other man's dogs. The younger man, 21, said that the dispute began when he was in his yard with his dogs, which often bark and have been the source of previous confrontations between the dog owner and his neighbor, 44. The dogs began to bark at the neighbor again, after which the 21-year-old said his neighbor approached him "in a highly-agitated state," and demanded to speak with the young man's mother. "I want to speak with your mother," the older man demanded. "What do you want with my mother?" the younger man said. "Speak to me; the dogs are mine." The older man would not leave the property when asked to go away. The younger man threatened to call the police if his neighbor did not leave. The other man told him to go ahead and call the police: "I want you to call the police." Now frightened, the 21-year-old with the aggressive dogs pushed his neighbor hard with both hands. The neighbor punched him in the arm in response, so he pushed back again. The neighbor then pushed him and he fell back onto some holly bushes. The young man had difficulty extricating himself from the pointed branches but eventually stood, whereupon he shoved his neighbor one more time and then ran inside to call the police and look for his mother.

The neighbor waited until the police arrived on the scene. He said the neighbor's dogs have chased and even bit him and his children in the past. He claimed his kids won't even walk down the easement road between the properties anymore because they are scared of the dogs, and that they can't take the bus because they have to wait near the road and are frightened. Earlier that same day, he said, he'd been taking the garbage out and was circled and bitten by the dogs himself. When he once more told the younger man to contain his pets, the 21-year-old mocked him for being afraid of such tiny dogs. "Afraid of tiny dah-ugs," he taunted, "afraid of tiny dah-ugs." Then the altercation began.

Police decided the incident was mutual in nature, both men being somewhat at fault, and nobody was charged with a crime. During a follow-up with animal control, the police learned that the younger man had indeed been warned before to keep his tiny dogs on his property. The mother never did appear.


A 72-year-old woman called police to report that a delivery driver in an unmarked white van had run over her plants—including an azalea her mother had planted—and her lawn. She believed the driver had done it on purpose. Planting the azalea was one of the last things her mother had done before she died. The woman said she had been raking leaves when the van had sped down her driveway, the man driving "like he was going to a fire." She said the van had no logo or company name on it. Unable to navigate the driveway, the driver managed to get the van stuck in the yard. He spun his tires, damaging a tree's roots and further tearing up the grass. At one point, he backed into a laurel hedge and broke a rear passenger side taillight. The driver did not deliver anything, but told the woman he was looking for a nearby address. When she complained of the damage he'd done, the driver told her to call FedEx. She did and was informed that all FedEx vans are clearly marked.


A teenager was struck by a car while riding his bike September 21 on High School Road. Emergency crews were called to the road, near its intersection with Capstan Road NE, at 3:09 p.m., said Assistant Fire Chief Luke Carpenter. The teen, 14, was flown to Harborview Medical Center in Seattle with injuries considered to be life threatening. The Police Department is investigating the crash. Chief Matthew Hamner said it appears the bicyclist was riding against traffic for reasons that have not been determined. The driver of the vehicle was not cited since she was going the right way.


A dump truck failed to make a curve and fell down an embankment. According to the Fire Department, the truck fell 200 feet after failing to slow down for a sharp turn at the corner of Toe Jam Hill and South Beach Drive. The truck landed on its side in shallow water. The driver was able to climb out on his own. It's unknown when or how the truck will be moved.

People have begun placing stones and flags and flower bouquets all around the truck as if it was a monument or something.


A deer was hit by two vehicles going in opposite directions on Highway 305. A 2015 Toyota Highlander heading north struck the deer, launching it into a south-moving 2004 Ford Econoline van. The deer was found dead on the roadside.


A 50-year-old man called police to his home to report a mysterious pair of yellow cargo pants. The man had discovered the pants on the couch, and they definitely did not belong to him. The man said he was flabbergasted as to how the pants could have ended up on his couch and asked the police to take the pants with them. They did. Nothing was found in the pockets to help identify the owner, and the mystery pants were entered into evidence pending further developments.


Police were called to an eatery where a male customer who appeared to be intoxicated was crying. When police arrived, the manager pointed out the customer, who was sitting alone in a corner lit by a string of Christmas lights. The rest of the room was filled with families and couples sharing a meal, their faces smooth and smiling. On questioning, the man said he was disconsolate. The police were unsure what to do. The manager wanted the customer removed. On what charge, the officers asked—crying?