Tuesday
Mar132018

Grad Student Seeking Dog Sitter

Ardith Bravenec


 

I'm very serious about taking a vacation somewhere with warm weather where I can eat small, colorful fish. My dog is large and dark brown. I need someone good with animals, who understands you can't keep chickens in the city. Especially not in my apartment. Someone who won't throw parties. 

For the past few weeks I've hidden my dog conveniently in the utility closet, but it no longer fits. Do not touch my dog. Ticks and fleas die on contact. Don't worry about feeding my dog. It seems to take care of itself. Mostly just needs the company. 

After instructing the undergrads on strawberry DNA extractions, I dream of wispy-white strands precipitating over red berry mash. Like a fancy drink you could get for ten bucks on some cloudless beach. I thought about this while staring at the hole in my apartment wall, which is overflowing with puffy Pepto-Bismol pink insulation my dog sometimes nests in. So, no, I have not decided where I'm going, just I want it to be somewhere. Reach me by cell in case of an emergency. The flooring is linoleum so all fluids should be easily cleanable. The TV is available for your enjoyment and the park outside is nice for walks and birdwatching. 

Do most dogs continually shed their teeth, experience ecdysis? Don't know. This is my first dog, so I'm new to this. 

Chihuahuas have been around since 1300 AD, maybe longer. And there are many dogs of many different breeds thanks to the wonders of domesticity and selective breeding. A genetic heart condition kills about half of all Cavalier King Charles Spaniels. But my dog is healthy and strong. 

Yes, I wish I could take my dog with me! Sure, it may ignore commands to sit or fetch, might even seem smug. But when I was at my loneliest, my dog would hover like a soot cloud over my shoulders, filled with energy, noise, and warmth.